Normally, if you wanted to find out how many little swimmers you have running around in your baby gravy you would have to go in to the doctor, squirt some into somebody else’s plastic cup (using some 80′s porn mag and I mean who likes staring at giant bush when your jerking it (I love it)), and then wait for them to figure it out. But now, you can find out your count at home, in bed, right next to your kids room. Here’s how it’s done:
1. Think about some girls giant bush. Into a cup.
2. Like a fine wine, allow your genetic material to breathe for 20 minutes.
3. Fill the “semen transfer device” up to the line, then add it to the solution bottle.
4. Mix the solution and let stand for two minutes. Then add six drops of the mixture to the well.
5. In just 7 minutes you should know whether or not your tight hipster pants have ruined your chance at creating a bunch of little shit heads.
The Spermcheck Fertility Home Sperm Test is available online today at CVS.com and Walgreens.com (on sale for $30 at CVS, and $40 at Walgreens), and they will be in stores nationwide in April.
